The Chronic Third Wheel
Everywhere I turn, I see couples holding hands. It's annoying. As someone who is painfully single, it’s a reminder that no one is in love with me. I’ve never been in a committed relationship or made it out of the “situationship” stage. This constant reminder of being alone happens everytime I see my best friend with her perfect boyfriend. She’s the type of girl that men fall for and he’s the surfer boy girls dream of. You can see that they love each other deeply. It’s as if you can feel the love that spews out of them. It’s gross. They’ve gotten into the habit of apologizing if I see them kiss. They apologize because they know that I’m so single it hurts.
Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely happy for them. At first, the three of us started off as best friends that did everything together. That was until they began spending time without me. I wish I could say that when we all hang out, we look like three best friends though it’s obvious that I’m the chronic third wheel.
I have to know, do third wheels feel sickened by their friend’s relationships, with their affection? Or feel annoyed by how happy their friends are? Or am I simply that cynical?
Now I’m sure that in the future if I find myself in a happy relationship, my best friend will be happy for me. But what about those that are single? Would they be happy? I know deep down, we are pleased to see the people we care about being happy.
But look past that, isn’t there a sense of jealousy?
Look, I admit that my best friend’s boyfriend is great. I would never date him, but I can’t help but feel envious. As an empath, I experience the emotions others feel. So when my best friends show their love for each other, I can help but realize that I lack the love they’re now experiencing.
It’s not just them I feel a sense of jealousy towards. On campus, people are in love everywhere. Maybe I just notice it more, but my god, since when was everyone in a relationship? I eventually asked my roommate what she thought when she saw others in relationships. She said that seeing couples makes her happy and hopeful for love in the future. This is not how I feel.
Maybe I’ll always be a third wheel. As much as I hate seeing people in love, god do I wish it was me in love. We all wish to be deeply and truly loved by one another, but for now, us third wheels have to stay strong. I will try to be a little less cynical; emphasis on the try.
Jenna Harter — February 20th, 2022
