The San Diego Dating Scene

About nine months ago, I turned 21 and it’s been interesting, to say the least. While giving up on the dating scene at frat parties, I’ve turned towards San Diego’s bars. If you are not in a sorority, dating in college is already hard enough, but looking for people to date at the bar scene makes it 10 times harder.

I get it, it may depend on your type and what you’re looking for. As for me, I like tall, tan, dark-haired men, nothing crazy. I may not be asking for too much, and yet it’s extremely hard to find single guys that are my type. In my journey to find a mediocre guy at the bars of San Diego, here is my experience in some bar areas. 

Pacific Beach

Maybe it’s just me, but it's always a buzzkill when you ask the guys in bars what they do for a living. It's almost always invariably related to some branch of the military. It has somehow become the equivalent of saying, "Let's get out of here.” Not in the sense that I imagine we’ll be going to shag at their weirdly nice apartment, but more along the lines of, “Let's get married and have children.” Some may be really nice guys, but I’m looking for someone for whom marriage has not become the only end goal in mind.  

My first intimate interaction with a military man was also my first interaction with the Pacific Beach bar scene. Maybe this has ruined my perception of the scene as a whole, but the shock of finding out the guy was in the military the morning after is something that will continue to haunt me.

I also find most guys approaching me and my friends to be intimidating – or even just scary. Simply scary, they either look like they could kill you or like they haven’t showered in a little while. I’m not sure the Pacific Beach bars are where one would meet their Mr. Forever, but rather a Mr. 1-4 a.m. hours. I’m curious if anyone has genuinely found the love of their life at Moonshine; if so, please let me know cause I’m losing hope. 

North Park 

I went out to North Park for the first time last weekend for a change. It was a completely different scene. I felt like an adult in the midst of real men with real money instead of in a little college group. There were opportunities, options and men that would last longer than a night. If Pacific Beach is for the young and grimy, North Park is for the sophisticated and trendy. The man I now will always associate with North Park was a 24-year-old man in tech. He makes 90k a year and was just there for a good time. Unfortunately, his whopping height of 5’5 wasn’t my definition of a good time. 

One thing I loved about North Park was multiple men offering to buy me drinks. Now, I don’t know if it’s a money or an age thing, but the men in Pacific Beach are not as eager to purchase my vodka ginger for me. One reason to go out in North Park is the ease of a free drink. 

Downtown San Diego

Downtown San Diego bars and clubs are on another level. Those men are a different kind of species. They’re risking border-lining pervy. But it’s downtown, which makes it exciting. It truly is the other side of San Diego. It isn’t the tiny beach town we are used to. So yeah, I let the 6’5 blonde guy grind on me at a concert. Did anything turn up from it? No. But that’s the joy of downtown; it can become a harmless one-time night of fun. 

The men downtown will also buy your drinks and offer you a spot at their table in hopes of going home together. These men don’t mess around. They're not the shy little college boys anymore, they're full-fledged rich weirdos. Now I’m sure there are some nice guys there, but I wouldn't put my money on them being the two solo dudes waiting at a table; they paid $300 to invite any girl that looked at them .5 seconds too come over. 

Ocean Beach

Ocean Beach is another San Diego classic known for its chill vibes all around. I wound up at The Holding Company, a bar and concert venue where there were genuinely nice guys who would start a conversation without any hopes or expectations. I could go in, talk to five guys, and come out with no weirdos following me and never feel uncomfortable. This  is incredibly rare in the San Diego dating world. 

Overall, I might make the dating world of San Diego sound horrendous, but it’s not all that bad. I’ve taken a couple of guys home, blocked several phone numbers, left a bar because of creeps and had a three month relationship with one. In the end, I’d say that’s somewhat successful. But for now, I might have to switch up my fish races in Pacific Beach for a speakeasy in North Park, or a lowkey band playing in Ocean Beach, all in hopes of finding a man worth more than a night.

Jenna Harter — April 20th, 2022